Better an honest Episcopalian than a dishonest Catholic

Church-swapping, defined: "As the Episcopal Church began ordaining women and dropped the ban on communion for divorced people…conservative Episcopalians began to leave, while many socially liberal Catholics began to join…. Since the 1970’s, when Episcopalians began building a network of churches that agreed to be open and accepting toward homosexuality, gay Catholics have been quietly joining Episcopal parishes. Among clergy members, it is not unusual to find Episcopal priests, especially women, who are converts from Catholicism."

In spite of what some folks believe, we are the "here comes everybody" church. Catholics welcome all, but we do have rules. Sin is clearly defined, but so is the process by which one receives forgiveness. More specifically, sex has it's place and those who practice sex outisde of the boundaries by which the church defines as healthy are urged to stop. To those who find that reassurring as most conservatives do, remember that the door is always open.

Gore TV

"Former vice president Al Gore claims his new cable network won't be liberal in tone, just hip."

With it. On the beat. In the groove. Just the kind of phrases that come to mind when one thinks of Al Gore, right?

BUZZZZZ! No, sorry, that is incorrect. The correct answer is "anybody but Al Gore."

Heinz Kerry on Iraq, Vietnam, and Presidential Politics

That's Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry to us riff-raff. She opens up, just not her tax records.

Friends Is No Seinfeld

Obviously, comparisons are going to be made. Throughout the 1990s, the two shows were the anchors of NBC's must-see-tv lineup.

Of course Seinfeld was darker. How can a show called Friends be anything but about friendship and acceptance?

"None of the Seinfeld characters had any sense, beyond momentary or habitual appetites, of purpose to their lives. For these characters, marriage, family, and the American dream are elusive to the point of being illusions. Family life, which formed the dramatic and more or less overtly moral framework of the classical American sitcom, is not just unlikely for the Seinfeld characters; it is impossible. The break-ups in Seinfeld are always inevitable and always occasioned by something utterly trivial: a woman who eats peas one at a time or a man who fails to write an exclamation point at the end of a phone message containing exciting news.

"On Friends, by contrast, the relationships, break-ups, possible and actual reunions are subjects of endless speculation and anticipation, although Friends has been blessedly free of the excessive self-importance that has often characterized teen shows such as Dawson's Creek. One of the great virtues of the Friends's cast is the self-effacing humor of which each of the main characters is capable, especially the charmingly dim Joey and the ever self-mocking Chandler. Joey's intellectual ineptitude was always treated gently...

"Beneath Seinfeld's witty and hugely entertaining verbal repartee was a dark inversion of the American dream. If the former was supplied by Jerry Seinfeld, the latter was inspired by Larry David, whose vision of human life is now more purely on display in his HBO show Curb Your Enthusiasm. Nearly every episode of Seinfeld ended with the frustration of the desires or plans of one or more of the central characters. Seinfeld perfected the art of the unhappy but funny ending; the characters laughed at, more than with, one another. "

'AIR AMERICA' MISSES PAYROLL; MORE TURBULENCE AT LIB TALK NET

Less than a month on the air?! This is rich...let's savor ot while we can!

Bush Apologizes for Abuse, Backs Rumsfeld

I'm getting sick of this. Call me a heartless, insensitive bastard but *this* is the shame of the nation?! Funny, but these same folks didn't scream as loudly when Sadaam was filling those mass graves with the bodies of innocent civillians. Why can't they understand that nothing, and I mean nothing that we are capable of is anywhere near as barbaric as what Sadaam was able to do without any feeling of remorse.

And the call for Rumsfeld's head? Over a prank?! Give me a break! This sort of stuff goes on in frat houses and on college campuses from sea to shining sea. If Rumsfeld goes over this, then every chancellor on every campus in America should be fired for the same reason.

Court-martial the perpetrators and let's move on.

I Wasn't There For Them...

...but TiVo was. The last episode of this comfort-tv show was just what the fans wanted. Anybody who didn't like this show is a sour puss and probably doesn't like ice cream either. As far as ensemble shows go, it ranked up there with Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van Dyke, Newhart, Cheers, Seinfeld, etc.

Dig that scrumptuous hotpants outfit that Jennifer Aniston had on. Grrrrowwwlll!

With it and Frazier gone, Drew Carey given one last viking funeral over the summer, and Everybody Loves Raymond entering its last season, there's room for a whole lot of badly-written, quickly-cancelled crap. We'll know soon enough if Joey joins the other 5. How long before Friends graces Nick At Nite?

Bush pauses to comfort teen

This is the real deal, folks - a President that cares and genuinely cares about people. Not the "I feel your pain/thigh" of his predecessor.

Actual bumper stickers found on cars and trucks

(Behold the power of email forwarding):

Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

If You Drink, Don't Park; Accidents Cause People.

Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

Thank You For Pot Smoking.

To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.

If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else ... And Seek Counseling.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

The Earth Is Full --- Go Home.

I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha.

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.

So Many Pedestrians --- So Little Time.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Illiterate? Write For Help.

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand Basket?

It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off.
[Seen On The Back Of A Biker's Vest].

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong.

Fight Crime --- Shoot Back!

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.
[Seen upside Down, On A Jeep]

Remember Folks --- Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

Guys --- No Shirt, No Service; Gals --- No Shirt, No Charge.
[Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba the Hut?

Necrophillia --- That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

Ax Me 'bout Ebonics.

Body By Nautilus --- Brain By Mattel.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Cat --- The Other White Meat.

Caution --- Driver Legally Blonde!

Don't Be Sexist --- Broads Hate That.

Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.

Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

UI cancels game over nickname

Absolutely absurd. Braces is about as offsensive to Indians as Notre Dame's mascot is to the Irish. What's next...animal rights activists demanding we no longer play as the LSU Tigers? Conservationists up in arms over the "Green Wave" or "Crimson Tide"?

Frasier’s Farewell

Meet the Kelsey Grammer you never knew: the conservative Republican who openly supports Bush yet is still loved in Hollywood simply because he's a likeable guy.

"Grammer never comes across as prickly, even when he's saying (as he did last year, at the White House Correspondents dinner) that he refused to watch the Oscars because of the antiwar "crap" he knew he'd see at the podium. He likes to describe celebrities who say they're going to leave the country if George W. Bush is reelected as having 'the sublime combination of ignorance and arrogance.'

"And yet no one in the media seems to hold any of this against him."

Darren Gauthier's Blah

I have been hit with a case of the blahs today. Adult beverage, here I come. Everybody else, you're gonna have to wait cuz nothing you want is on my radar.

Party Barge Flips During Gay Event at Lake in Austin, Texas; 2 Injured

In other words, the boat went ass up, face down.

'Drew Carey Show' Making Quiet Exit

A missed opportunity, and a bungled program. I didn't even know it was still on the air.

Catholic breakfast draws officials

Often I have asked myself: what the hell is a prayer breakfast? Is it a morning meal where no food is eaten except "fuel for the soul"? Is it a breakfast where every bite is followed by a "Hallelujah! The Lord has blessed us with wonderful grits!" When is the prayer portion and whene is the food portion? Is it more prayer than breakfast or vice versa? And as a Catholic, aren't I supposed to fast before worship? (Because these events were firmly rooted in evangelical protestantism, no accomodations were ever considered for those in attendence gripped by the "superstitions" of "Romanism".)

Usually, a prayer breakfast consists of fatty foods (white gravy, bacon and grits) and lots of talk about Jesus and very little actual prayer. Lotsa yay-mens sprinkled among the crowd. I know this first hand because last year I attended Governor Mike Foster's event, the once-a-year, let's-pretend-we-love-each-other-hypocri-fest. Lots of legislators were there, an equal portion of north and south Louisianians (add "come on!" to the amens courtesy the coon-ass chorus of believing affirmations), and a whole lot of feigned "God Bless YEW!" between sworn enemies. I'm sure its much the same at the National Prayer Breakfast, albeit on a grander scale.

So why on Earth would Catholics want to emulate such an event? I can hear EWTN's Father Ken Roberts in my head when referring to hypocrites engaging in public displays of faith: "There's always room for one more." Thankfully, the event turned out to be a fully-realized outward sign of Catholic faith inside the beltway.

Senate Majority Leader Rick Santorum (R-Pa.) even went so far as to blast the AmChurch for not being devout enough! "One of the reasons American Catholics are not as fervent is because many in our clergy are not as fervent in teaching the faith."

BAM!

"The statement was aimed at priests and nuns who 'teach a culturally influenced American Catholicism, instead of what the true faith is,' the senator said. 'Catholics have not been given a proper Catholic formation. Priests get up and talk around issues and not at them.'"

And the hits just keep on coming!

"The Catholic version included several Hail Mary prayers, a speech by a nun, an exhortation by a local priest for single men to consider the priesthood and a keynote speech by Cardinal Avery Dulles on moral freedom. It was prefaced by a Mass and rosary recitation."

Wow! That sounds fantastic. In Louisiana, we have a Catholic governor, Lt. Governor, and more Catholic politicians than most states. This would go over like gangbusters.

The "March for Women's Lives" Unmasked

Warning: lots of sour pusses ahead.

Yes, pun DEFINITELY intended!

Pope calls US bishops to conversion, personal sanctity

Acting like Catholics would be a good start. Not acting like Democrats would be a close second.

Cardinal warns against efforts to export democracy

"Cardinal Renato Martino has argued that a drive to impose democracy on other nations is a 'grave error,' insisting that the peoples themselves should determine their form of government."

Uh, cardinal, there's just one problem with your statement. People determing their government IS an intrinsically democratic act.

No Pimp Zone?

Dig the goombah outfit on Bill O'Reilly.

Pope Says Enlarged EU Needs Christianity

But before converting, Europe seriously needs a bath. It's not nice to be stinking up the church and having gray water in the baptismal font.

Contradicting Bill:

Aw come on! I was waiting for some bombshell contradiction from one President to the other. "President Bush says Clinton placed little emphasis on terrorism" and Clinton saying he did is like saying "Mom he started it" and the other child saying "no, Mom, HE started it." This sort of thing is to be expected, especially from a man who is protecting is legacy and his ass, and a man who is running for re-election. Besides, I think we know the answer to this conflict, and I'll leave it at that for all those who wish to deny the obvious.

U.S. Hostage Hamill Escapes in Iraq

Let this be a lesson: there ain't no way a bunch of ragheads got anything on a wily ol' country boy from Miss'sippi.